From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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