If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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