And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I want her autograph on my taint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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