last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
