girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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