Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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