I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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