U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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