I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
