he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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