I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The best revenge is premature balding
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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