Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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