its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
time to smoke my breakfast
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
