I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
