girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
