a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
