Need sex. Gaining weight.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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