so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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