im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
