I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
