I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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