She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize