We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
