I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you inspire me to be a worse person
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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