I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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