An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
