mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
