dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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