Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
