Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
