Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
