just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
