At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
