I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
