No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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