true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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