Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
