That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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