In the future we'll all be gay
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Even my vagina gasped.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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