My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
