goodnight i made you a song goodbye
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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