his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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