can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
