The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
