You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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