i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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