Pappa wants mamma naked
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Randomize
