I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
