so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He did a backflip because drugs
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