I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
