I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
