remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
