you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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