Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
