Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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