mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
