I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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