Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you win again, gameday.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
