well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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