Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
