Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
