That's intense
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
