I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
