dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
grandma shit on top of the toilet
My brain says no but my pants say off.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
only you would photoshop your dick
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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