How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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