Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
