there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
